You know that thing where you wake up in the middle of the night with like the best idea, so you write it down and fall back asleep? Then the next day you wake up and read the idea and it says something like “Horse Chapstick”, and you realize it wasn’t actually all that good of an idea in the first place. That's basically what this is. Cheers!
The 1st Ray of Christmas: André 3000
He is one of the greatest rappers of all time. He co-starred in the once-in-a-generation comedy classic, Semi-Pro (Rotten Tomatoes Score: 22%). He fathered a child with R&B's most eccentric angel, Erykah Badu. He is the person who once rhymed the word starvin' with the term Brett Favre'n. He is André 3000 and if he isn't a Christmas miracle sent to us from some distant beautiful place, then go ahead and cancel the entire holiday.
The 2nd Ray of Christmas: Rey
Christmas may not be a thing in the galaxy far far away, but meeting Rey in The Force Awakens was enough to melt the heart of even the saltiest Jabba the Grinch. She’s tough, she’s kind, and she won’t put up with your bantha poodoo. No matter who her parents are (#NoSpoilers), the Force is strong with this one, and so is the holiday cheer.
The 3rd Ray of Christmas: Ray Allen
The artist formerly known as Jesus Shuttlesworth. Threes like the wise men. Champion, Olympian, All-Star x10. Tray Four. Legendary from distance. Active in the community. Whether you hoop or not, Ray Allen is the real deal. #HeGotGame
The 4th Ray of Christmas: Ray-Bans
"And still gonna eat the filet mignon / Yeah, yeah, yeah I've been known / To cover up my eyes with the Ray Beons” - Kanye West. Only Ray-Bans could unite the likes of JFK, Britney Spears, Barack Obama and Top Gun. Whether you know them as sunnies or hater blockers, Ray-Bans easily make our list because the sun never sets on a badass.
The 5th Ray of Christmas: Ray Stantz
Doctor Raymond Stantz at your spooky service. Best known for his role in Ghostbusters as the guy that isn't Bill Murray or the other two guys. Ray Stantz spells his last name with a "z" instead of an "s" because his agent told him it would connect with the youthz. That's not true but it's also not not true.
The 6th Ray of Christmas: Ray Eames
There’s no denying Charles is to Ray like Big is to Carrie like Ross is to Rachel and like Luke is to Lorelei. But let’s also be real, this girl could have created the best lounge chair known to man all by herself.
The 7th Ray of Christmas: Bill Murray
Who doesn’t have a soft spot for the Murricane? Whether you first saw him in Caddyshack or a Wes Anderson flick, the love for Bill transcends generations. This one time, he was pulled over by Swedish police on suspicion of driving a golf cart under the influence. For he’s a jolly good fellow indeed.
The 8th Ray of Christmas: Cookie Tray
Huge s/o to cookie t-rays. The variety and slight hint of mystery you have to offer has kept you undefeated at every office Christmas party we’ve ever attended. Thanks for being the number one supplier of weird off-brand Oreos and other cookies no one would ever intentionally buy. You’re our ride or die, don’t you ever forget it.
The 9th Ray of Christmas: Ray Gun Magazine
Many years ago, on the very planet we still call home, there was a genre of music called "Rock N' Roll". Typically "Rock N' Roll" music was made up of several people playing instruments made of natural elements like wood and metal. Insane, right? With an experimental approach to both design and editorial, Ray Gun documented this archaic trend better than just about anyone. That's why we're pouring one out for Ray Gun Magazine, our ninth Ray of Christmas.
The 10th Ray of Christmas: Stingray
This maritime marauder uses sand as camouflage, though he’s not interested in harshing your holiday vibes. Should you step on this cartilaginous dude, his Christmas gift is a stinging surprise. He opts for crustacean cookies over traditional Yuletide spreads. If you’re the type to lay low during the festivities, the stingray is a kindred spirit.
The 11th Ray of Christmas: Ray Finkle
A celebrated Dolphins kicker, this notorious Ray was known as ‘The Mule’, but missed a critical kick in the Super Bowl. Laces out, amirite? After football, Ray made a successful transition, but wasn't as successful in getting away with Podacter’s murder and Snowflake’s abduction. Ace was on the case. With help from Dan the Man, Ray was quickly exposed. Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle! Now Ray spends his holidays upstate.
The 12th Ray of Christmas: Frank Ocean
F(ray)nk Ocean is our 12th and final Ray of Christmas, because it feels like a holiday any time he releases new music. Shine on Frank, you're our brightest Christmas star.